Predicting the End of Sleepy Joe's Reign of (Entertaining)Terribleness.

25th Amendment? Died Suddenly? The first ever Presidential Clone Assassination!?

For those new Down the Wombat Hole, we (me) like to make wildly spicy geopolitical predictions without fear, favour or fact checking. Despite the fact that almost all of my predictions remain unfulfilled (give it time: all it takes is one scripted Orange Man arrest for the floodgates to open), I’m all about doubling down unapologetically.

So, let’s double down specifically on fan favourite and bipartisan crowd pleaser: the imminent end of the “Presidency” of Sleepy Joe Bidan — actor/clone/hologram replacement of the original Joe Biden, who we can only hope has already left this mortal coil to war monger, race bait and sniff children in the metaphysical realm.

Top 5 Orange Man tweet? Only the best have deliberate misspellings.

So: what vague precedence do we have for such optimistic speculation?

What… you mean you haven’t heard of the Curse of Tippecanoe?

The curse dates back to President William Henry Harrison, who before coming into office in 1840 had lead a military expedition that resulted in the slaughter of a Native Indian tribe at the Battle of Tippecanoe. Harro promptly carked it in 1841 — giving the slain natives the posthumous last laugh — and thus followed a fairly hard to ignore pattern of US Presidents elected in a “zero” year getting offed in office: Abraham Lincoln (1860), James A. Garfield (1880), William McKinley (1900), Warren G. Harding (1920), Franklin D. Roosevelt (1940) and John F. Kennedy (1960). In fact, 7 of the 8 Presidents who have died in office have been Zeros.

Now, before you get too excited: yes, the curse appears to have lost some steam, with both Ronald Reagan (1980) and George Dubbya (2000) disappointing conspiracy theorists and leftists everywhere by surviving their terms. Not without a few scares however: Reagan was very nearly killed in office in 1981 — surviving quite possibly due to the assistance of Nancy’s personal Astrologist (true story) — while Dubbya had a grenade scare in 2005 and that hilarious shoe-ing in 2008.

Curse broken, then? Not so fast: just like with The Shemitah Conspiracy — where our 7 year September shit show cycle appeared to have come to an end with a quiet 2015, before roaring back to life following the Lizard Queen’s passing last year — these psy-ops get you just when you think they have fizzled. And what better grave digger than Creepy Joe to piss off the indigenous ancients enough to restart festivities?

Obviously, it wouldn’t take a Native Indian curse to finish off Bidan prematurely — given Hunter’s laptop, escalating dementia et al. It frankly amazes me (and probably Kamala) that they haven’t pushed him to the side/down some stairs once his main purpose of “defeating” Orange Man was done and dusted.

Who else is predicting the end of Bidan? Well, the astrologers, believe it or not.

Did you know there was a famous Tik Tok Astrologer (the most reliable type of astrologer for our purposes) who predicted Sleepy Joe wouldn’t go the full 4 rounds back in 2020? Don’t let the fact that she looks like a New Age Ariana Grande put you off: this might be the final confirmation we were looking for:

According to Altman, every time Jupiter and Saturn have met throughout history, a president has "either died or had an assassination attempt," from Abraham Lincoln to John F. Kennedy.

Does it really count as a Presidential Assassination if it’s not actually the real dude and they are just knocking off the clone/switching off the hologram at the desired Astrological alignment?

And let’s not forget the Simulation Theorists, as if you possibly could. As we discussed in The Jubilee Conspiracy, a chap called Jason Breshears has basically placed his whole reputation on the prediction that Sleepy Joe will be goneski by February at the latest.

My favourite small-channel Simulation Theorist has gone one (actually two) better: positing a likely date period between the 6th and the 8th of January; AND the high possibility that it will be through an assassination (or be followed by an assassination).

*checks watch*

Well, fuck, that isn’t far away. Where’s Hunter? If this thing goes pear-shaped quickly, he might need a welfare check.