In an increasingly AI-compromised realm veering rapidly into a Neptunian Post-Truth Transhumanist Twilight Zone, it is nice to take comfort in undeniable and objective realities.
For example: there has inarguably never been a better time to be a Wholesomely Conspiratorial Celebrity Astrologer, and I plan to capitalise in a dignified manner on this moment — as any self-respecting 2nd House Jupiter is behooved to.
That said… it may be time to start taking the mild spoilers given to us by the Skyclock more seriously. The SwiftieBowl Superb Owl Ritual is approaching, not unlike the spectre of the (real) Death Star wavering into view of the citizens of Alderaan. And where we see a dark spectre, we can safely assume we are also seeing the influence of Pluto.
We have Pluto in Aquarius, forming a Slippery Sextile to Neptune in Pisces for the immediate future.
We have Pluto staring down an approaching Mars, meeting in person in (for the first time since their October 7 Square-off) smack-bang between the SwiftieBowl and Valentine’s Day.
But, most importantly for our upcoming Sin City Ritual, we also have the position of Pluto in CIA Tay-Tays birth chart.
Welco-… sorry: WELCOME TO THE ASTROLOGY OF THE SWIFTIEBOWL.
Pluto transits are indeed no laughing matter.
Most notably (and extremely), Dolores O’Riordan became a bathtub victim as Pluto drew to within a Degree of her Ascendant (along with a handful of other brutal transits lining up).
My own more humble and wholesome personal testimony is suddenly finding myself embarking on a grassroots-funded Federal Political Campaign as an anti-Jibby Jab Conspiracy Theorist, just as Pluto formed an exact T-Square in my 11th House with my aforementioned 2nd House Jupiter and 5th House Mercury.
Jupiter explains how I suddenly found myself accepting wads of cash from people I didn’t know. What is Mercury-Pluto?
Well, we just had Mercury-Pluto in the sky around the 6th of February, which was likely the same day that CIA Tuck-Tuck and Vlad the Invader smiled and chuckled cheekily at each other across a tastefully(?) decorated Kremlin backroom: a transparent example, we might suggest, of the elite using Astrology in order to instigate Political Transformation through the Unearthing of Hidden Information.
Back on topic, and not about me: one friend was diagnosed with Cancer as Pluto Opposed her Natal 6th House Moon. Most relevantly, I tracked another friend’s intensely traumatic late-teens-early-20s relationship back to Pluto hovering ominously over her 7th-8th-House-cusp Venus.
The Venus-Pluto Aspect: The Power of Raw Femininity; Compulsive and Obsessive Romantic Desire; Intense and Dangerous Beauty.
Which brings us back around to CIA Tay-Tay. Why?
While it is easy to miss, given that hectic Ascendant-Descendant Stellium Opposition, the (alleged) clone of Madam Satan has her Venus lying just below the Ascendant in the 1st House: making the Venusian Archetype intrinsic to her Personality, Ego, Appearance and Life Experience. Look closer, and you will see that it is also located just shy of 2 degrees Tropical Aquarius: roughly a degree away from Pluto’s current Transiting position.
She is, in very obvious and undeniable ways, the Venusian-Aquarian Goddess: ushering in our Plutonic-Aquarian Age.
Venus in Aquarius. Strength: Egalitarian and independent in love; surprising and unconventional romances; relationship pioneers; abstract beauty. Shadow: Romantically and sexually detached and aloof; flaky and unreliable; jumps from one partner to the next.
She is also, in very obvious and disgusting ways, having the very foundations of her own Femininity Unearthed in a brutally Aquarius manner:
I am no fan of celebrity culture (or CIA Tay-Tay) but I find what is happening to this young woman to be entirely uncomfortable and outright gross.
Yes, it is more than a little psychopathic how much she appears to relish her own Fame and Privilege. But in reality, does she have any choice but to embrace her lot? Keep in mind that she was likely groomed for Pop Culture stardom from the earliest of ages: particularly if those grooming her understand Astrology, and know how uniquely powerful and polarising her Birth Chart is.
Returning back to that chart: we can now see the upcoming Valentines Day-eve Conjunction between Mars and Pluto with new eyes, knowing that it will be occurring on the almost exact degree of her Natal Venus.
Anything else? When I analyse Transits in a reading, I follow these 4 steps:
The Outer Planets: What are the overall lessons of the Transit period?
Jupiter and Saturn: Is the transit dominated by Expansion or Restriction?
Sun, Mercury, Venus and Mars: Can we narrow down specific peak periods of the Transit?
Moon: When might a final emotional spark, the Initiator, of a Transit hit?
Under this framework, and putting aside what we already know about Pluto, her Transits for the day of the SwiftieBowl don’t look too bad: a potentially difficult Square between the Transiting Sun and her Natal 11th House Mars, outweighed by close Trines from Saturn (2nd-3rd House cusp) and Jupiter (4th-5th House cusp) to both of her Natal Ascendant/Descendant Stelliums.
The only red flag? That Mischievous Moon, which will Conjunct Neptune in her 3rd House early in the morning of the 12th, at the degree of Pisces that Squares both her Natal 12th House Sun and 6th House Moon.
The Moon-Neptune Hard Aspect: Elusive and Slippery Behaviour; Deceptive Feelings; Drowning in Emotion.
Not ideal Archetypal energy, one might argue, for undertaking a daring 13-hour (of course) transcontinental plane ride/booty-call that the majority of the Western world (along with those who would like to see its demise) are now acutely aware of and will be watching intently.
Obviously, I have no idea what comes next in the CIA Tay-Tay Apocalypse Timeline, which has turned from a hilarious and necessary distraction to ominous and foreboding in the space of a few weeks. Although, if I am being honest: should the worst case scenario unfold, I can’t help but think that she would end up in a far better place than she finds herself right now.
OK ENOUGH.
That was your official Wholesomely Conspiratorial SwiftieBowl Astrology preview. I’m off to practice some more Pluto-in-Aquarius drum covers. Happy Year of the Dragon, fellow diggers.
K. I have to admit I don't really follow youthful pop star types like TayTay or much anyone else, being stuck in the Black Flag era of my own yoof. I used to luuuuv the Superbowl, and if it were easy, I might even watch it this time, but I feel like it's all fake now and so-- what's the point, after all.
Arrrrrrrrrrrf. I be a pirate dog these days, so much Arrrrrrrrrrfing. ;)
Hey now! 😂