CIA Tay-Tay!

A Wholesomely Conspiratorial Celebrity Astrology Distraction.

HAVE YOU HEARD THE NEWS FELLOW DIGGERS.

Recently-crowned Time Magazine Person of the Year, whose record-breaking “Eras” World Tour is quite literally Erasing the minds of its attendants (true story); clone of Madam Satan Zeena Lavey (allegedly); current close 2nd to The Orange Moonchild in the race for Archetypal Domination of our Realm (Elon or Tate to represent the Bros in the Top 3?) — Taylor “Tay-Tay” Swift — is a CIA Honeytrap targeting the Morally Deprived, Depraved and Devolving mind of The Western Youth.

THANK YAHWEH A SMURKING FOX NEWS HOST AND A MUSTACHIOED EX-SPOOK ARE HERE TO TELL US ABOUT DEEP STATE PSYOPS

Let me take it from here Jesse: the Wholesomely Conspiratorial Celebrity Astrologer has entered the building.

As I recently discovered in a Mula-Moon deep dive into Pop Culture Celebrity Birth Charts, Planetary clusters along the Horizontal Plane of a Birth Chart — in Astrology words: Stelliums on the Ascendent-Descendant Cardinal Axis — are wildly prominent in the charts of the Realm’s most compelling earthly Stars. The above video summarises some of the most notable examples of “Celestial Descendants”: overly-dramatically-romantically-artistic heart-throbs who have key Planets at the union between the 6th House of Service and the 7th House of Relationships.

The only limitation of this type of Celebrity Birth Chart Analysis is that it requires an accurate Birth Time, which is generally reserved for the top-tier of our Pop Cultural Elite (in other words: this Astrological Phenomenon is most likely more widespread than we can currently quantify).

Even among the cream of our Celestial crop, however, we have a few question marks: where multiple unverified birth times and competing Ascendent Signs haunt the dreams of Celebrity Astrologers across the Realm.

Case A: Beyonce. There is much that could be said about the Astrology of Bey’s birthday — September 4th 1981 — which saw Conjunctions between Venus-Pluto Saturn-Jupiter in Tropical Libra, along with the Moon and Uranus Trine Mars and the North Lunar Node Rahu. The joining of Mars with Rahu also marked a rare Celestial Event: the location of every Traditional and Outer Planet within one half of the Lunar Nodal Axis. This arrangement (which was also in play at the birth of the Orange Moonchild) is called “Kala Sarpa Yoga” in Vedic Astrology, and is thought to be portentous of an Extreme, Larger than Life Character.

Here is her untimed chart, showing the Conjunctions, Nodal Axis alignment and the lack of any Hard Aspects:

However the real Spice is found in the Celestial Saga that is the Birth of Bey. The Astro.com databank (basically Astrology Wiki) captures the characteristic and appropriate drama that surrounds the Birth of Bey. To try and summarise: an unsourced yet accepted time of 10am has gradually been diminished by the wild claims of various sketchy Astrological characters seeking to (allegedly) muddy the Celestial waters. This contribution from the “Astro Twins”:

"Ha! Okay, here's the story - we did an in-person reading for Bey at the Billboard Awards in 2003. She called her mom to ask her birth time (it was sometime in 11am hour I believe) and our software calculated a Libra rising. She was kind, considerate and very Venusian. I'd buy it!"

CHECKS OUT TO ME.

Due to this (alleged) Archetypal Subterfuge, Astro-charts.com now gives her chart without a birth time, while Astro-seek.com puts it at the original 10am time — albeit with a ruthless “DD” (dirty data) accuracy rating.

While I obviously have no right to decide on Bey’s true Birth Time, I will do so nonetheless: Beyonce Mrs Carter Knowles et al. was beyond reasonable doubt born at 10am of September 4 1981. Why do I say this? Exhibit A of Case A — her 10am Tropical Chart (incorporating Chiron and Black Lilith now as well):

An EXACT Conjunction between Venus and her Ascendant, which makes her Rising Sign sit alongside a 5 planet Stellium in Tropical Libra (Sidereal Virgo, which still feels very appropriate). In fact, the Venus-Pluto-Ascendant — literally signifying the Intense and Compelling Female — lies within the Nakshatra of Chitra: which is objectively one of the sweetest, most creative, most pleasing (and hence most Archetypally Virgo) Lunar Mansions:

Wholistic Birth Chart of CIA Bey.

Exhibit B for Case A, we can turn to Angelina Jolie, who also has Venus on her Ascendant — giving us arguably the two most strikingly and powerfully Feminine females within the Music and Entertainment industries:

Look past the Foreboding Squares and find that beautiful blue Mystic Rectangle linking the Sun, Neptune and Pluto with the Moon-Mars-Jupiter Stellium at the top of the sky.

And Case B? CIA Tay-Tay, of course.

Just like quite probably (allegedly) CIA Bey, CIA Tay-Tay has a chart that Celestial Dreams and/or Nightmares are made of, even before the birth time is considered. Here is her un-timed chart, showing a wild pair of Opposing Stelliums across the Tropical Capricorn and Cancer Axis, with all other Planets except Pluto un-Aspected:

Have mercy!

The Birth of Tay-Tay saga is not quite as drama and intrigue-filled as the Birth of Bey: basically we have an established “Capricorn” time of 8.36am, then challenged by a “Scorpio” 5.17am time quoted in a 2015 Biography with suspiciously specific yet unsourced detail:

“This book gives very specific information and recounts dialogue and events throughout without giving any sources or citations, making it an unreliable biographical source.”

Our appropriately suspicious Scorpio birth time has since gained traction: take for example this respectably solid case.

Perhaps. But… well: I feel like Astrology really does miss the forest for the trees sometimes. I’ll let this Stark Celestial Picture do the talking:

CIA Tay-Tay quite literally has a Split Personality, with the Opposing Stelliums exactly aligned with the Ascendent-Descendant Axis. She was born to be an undercover agent: and — if those in her circle had any knowledge of her Astrology — may well have been groomed for such purposes from the time of her now-famous 1989 birth.

Here is her Vedic chart, with my attempts to break down these two Stelliums into somewhat-decipherable Archetypes.

While, yes, admittedly: a sample size of n=2 falls well short of Academic best practice, I feel like we are on to something here (particularly when we add the Orange Moonchild into the mix, who has a suspiciously specific birth time for different reasons).

Let’s frame it from 3 different levels of the Wombat Hole:

1. Astrology is so real that souls born during extreme Astrological alignments literally have no choice but to become uniquely compelling celebrities;

2. Elite Creeps know Astrology is real, and seek out individuals born during extreme Astrological alignments to groom them for Stardom; or (brace yourselves)

3. Occulted Elite Creeps have ways to literally create people at the exact peak of extreme Astrological alignments.

Anyway, bottom line, after putting it off for long enough: if I hope to give the Astrology of CIA Tay-Tay its full 5th House Stellium treatment, I am going to have to learn at least 5 iconic CIA Tay-Tay tunes on drums.

Please leave any suggestions in the comments — or by email, if you are a CIA Tay-Tay-aligned Sleeper Agent who does not wish to have their cover blown — TIA.